junipersky: (Default)
Even though I haven't been having as many panic attacks lately, I had another one today.:(

It was right after TAylor told me that he hadn't yet finished his radio wrap to apply for a job that quite possibly has fallen into his lab. The job in question would allow us to stay in Phoenix after his graduation in December.

He was suppose to have it in a week ago.

I'm noticing a trend in my panic attacks. Namely, any time I have a set of assumptions (in this case, that Taylor would actually do what he was suppose to) or a hope I didn't realize I had fostered (that we'd get to stay in Phoenix.)

It's really distressing. I finally told Taylor what sent me over the edge... and now he's mad at me. I can't win. :( :( :'(

At least I managed to stop crying.

In good news:

The Provo Tabernacle that burned down last year is being rebuilt!!! Not only that, but it's being rebuilt into a TEMPLE. The collective gasp in the Conference Center when President Monson announced that was amazing. I started happy-crying right there.
junipersky: (Default)
Yes. I am going to make it to the wedding. Yes, I am going to be able to survive said wedding. No, I am not going to go crazy.

Pray for me please- I'm alright when I don't think about things, but I know that putting it off isn't going to help any. Sometimes all I'm doing is controling the anxiety attacks and trying to prevent them but I know that they're really close at hand. People keep telling me to 'just not worry' about it, but I am physically unable to do that. Maybe not physically. Mentally might be a better word for it. What I /can/ do though, which does help, is to plan and try to find a way to make everything work.

*deep breath*
junipersky: (Flower)
Dear Dreamwidth,

Holy Heck. I've been in Utah three days now and I feel like my head is spinning. There is SO much to do, and so not enough time to do... anything actually.

My mother is also in town. She came down to do wedding-like stuff with me. Which means it was finally time to face the music that I needed to get things done. Not that I don't want to, but I feel this overwhelming sense of panic everytime I seriously start planning the reception. Lots of peace about the wedding, but lots of panic about the reception.

In which there is a reception. )

Dress talk! )

On to happier things- I have a wedding dress! )

Today ought to be interesting. I bought a nice bra for the dress fitting today (Isn't it nice of them to have a dress fitting open JUST the next day?) but now I cannot find it. On top of that, my wallet is also missing. Mom cannot find it in her car, and it's not in Taylor's apartment. I'm going to go look in 116 again, but I've got a nasty feeling that it and the bra are in the same place. *sighs* Now that I'm looking back, I really should have brought a purse. I've always had my backpack in TX, but here I'm juggling.

Anyway. I'm going to go read my scriptures and try to calm down for the day. I mean, I have my dress. And... everything else will work out, right?

(Oh, and the dress once we get all the accessories and fitting stuff will STILL be under $600. The cheap person in me likes that.) I have pictures, I'll post some day.

Also.. mom made my day.  She called to tell me she was coming and I looked up where she was and was able to get her directions to the freeway.  Being given the chance to feel like I'm actually valuable and that I'm NOT a complete idiot... = awesome. Also, what is up with Mapquest actually deciding to be easy to use? 
junipersky: (Default)
I have exactly two goals.
A) Complete all my assignments.
B) Remain less stressed than Taylor is.

If I can do A, then B will naturally follow. Yes? Yes.

It doesn't help that my family is coming out to meet him this weekend. I suddenly understand why Jessica was so freaked out after she and KJ got engaged. My mother called and talked about seriously common place things (like when they were going to get here) and I was almost in tears from the stress the conversation caused.
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junipersky: (Flower)
Dear Journal,

I know it has been a long time since my last update, so I thought I would spend some time writing down what has happened recently.

In which I detail the last month of my personal life )

February 2015

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