junipersky: (Default)
*eyes Thermometer*

I've now been tracking for a week, and I've yet to have two days where my temperature at the start of the day is the same. Anywhere between 97.4 - 98.6.

I think I'm going to buy a new thermometer. Not sure what kind to buy though.
junipersky: (Default)
Four and half years ago (give or take a few months) I sat at my desk late at night and wrote down my five year plan.

1. Have a steady job.
2. Buy a house
3. Have $10,000 in the bank.
4. First Child.

When Taylor lost his job two years ago I thought for sure 2 and 3 weren't going to happen. But we have been very blessed in the years since.

I never imagined that the fourth would be the hardest to do or that I would be so close to the end of the five years and not have kids at all.

Latter-day Saints have a very special blessing that we are given that outlines specific blessings and gives guidance in our lives based on our own righteousness. Mine has a line that says "children will come into your home." I always assumed that meant that we would have babies. But now I am nor so sure.

This year I have two kids who are in a shelter. One because he was abused by his foster family, and the other because she was removed from her parents. Maybe that line doesn't mean I'll have kids of my own, but that I'll be able to give a home to others. I don't know. It is something Taylor and I need to pay about.
junipersky: (Default)

The Mormon stance on marriage. It was published in 1995 and hasn't changed a word since. I may have the most amount of empathy and love for those who seek for alternative families from the traditional one, but I cannot sway in my belief for what marriage and family should be.
junipersky: (Default)
There has got to be a better way for my body to inform me that I'm not pregnant and to restart/clean the system out than to leave me in excruciating pain in many parts of my body that leaves me unable to move for hours.

Which wouldn't be so bad if we weren't out of ibuprofen. That usually manages to limit the pain to about an hour. But Husband want for alevel which is what works best for his knees. Not so much for cramps. X.x
junipersky: (Default)
So I have very specific requirements of librarians. I want them to read a lot, be excited about books, and recommend books to people. School librarians even more so. But with the way or library is set up, the librarian is more a organization person than a get kids loving books person. Which is why I always go with my kids to library so I can shove books in their faces or ask, "well what do you like? " and find something that matches.

Librarian must have been watching because on Friday she handed me a book and told me to read it. I finally did today. I read the whole the hundred page book. It was amazing. I really wish now that she could do less organization and more recommending books to kids!
junipersky: (Default)
A quote from the scripture guide in Co reading right now. (Talking about Jeremiah 6).
"But continued active involvement in evil has a way of dulling the conscience until a point is reached when all awareness of evil is lost."

Just an interesting thought to chew on. Nothing new, as desensitization to sin is nothing new. Just application now....
junipersky: (Default)
Dear Anxiety,

Seriously? WHY.

I have //nothing// to be anxious about. Nothing!
junipersky: (Default)
For all the heartache HarpersTale has given me, I would take every second of it for this one scene. It loses a out when you don't know the history between the three of them, but suffice it to say that I cried the while way through this, and could not be happier. I was resolved to be happy with whatever they decided to so, but this was what I really wanted. I am so glad Yules decided to utterly disregard my app because she remembered what I had said to her in private.

Just.. <3 <3 <3
junipersky: (Default)
Freaking emotional roller coaster on Friday.

Maybe tomorrow (today?) will be better.
junipersky: (Default)
It is petty of me,but... I really cannot stand it when the young women insist on giving me the mother's day chocolate.

Every year I just want to curl into a ball and cry.

I know they don't mean anything by it... but it is like knives in my stomach every year.

I should get over it.

Just... haven't yet.
junipersky: (Default)
I love so much the essay they're doing right now...

We finished readingThe Phantom Tollbooth.  At the end of the book the main character, Milo, runs into the Demons of Ignorance.  So I have each kid choose the demon which they feel that affects their life the most.  They have to illustrate it, then write me a three paragraph essay.  First, tell me how the author describes the demon and what it does.  Then, how the demon affects their day to day life and keeps them from wisdom.  Last, they have to say how they can change their actions to defeat this demon.
junipersky: Cube Kitten by Creativedash (Anxiety)
Two more weeks.

I can keep my anxiety within manageable levels for that long right?

And then vacation. Even though this vacation means that I'm going to miss out on my grade level planning for next year, and thus am going to be waayyy behind.

No. Nothing to be anxious about. Nope nope nope.

I think I'm going to throw up.

At least my weight loss has slowed. I'm now hovering just above 100lbs.
junipersky: (Default)

I ALMOST made it a FULL FREAKING YEAR without drawing the attention of the stupid district office. But talking to a parent yesterday I agreed "Yes, there has been a lot of testing this year." That translates to parent thinking, "Ms. Jay agrees that there has been a lot of testing this year." Thus to my principal to "Ms. Jay is telling parents there has been too much testing and undermining district decisions," which I have just informed is probably an issue that is going to go all the way to the Assistant Superintendent.


No. I probably won't get in trouble. Joyce... MIGHT have my back on this.

BUT FREAKING DARN IT. I have worked so hard to keep my head down this year and make ZERO waves.
junipersky: Cube Kitten by Creativedash (Anxiety)
I have had anxiety way bad the last few days. I've been able to drive it back with liberal doses of RP, plotting, and other such work. However. It is not decreasing. At the moment I haven't slipped into full on panic attack for which I am grateful.

Just a few more days. I'm hoping these tests being over will help. If that doesn't then I know it's coming from somewhere else and I'm going to have to figure out what to do about it.

(Because I'm NOT giving up Southern Staff till my 6 months is done. no no no no. I promised myself I would do this and I will.)
junipersky: (Default)
Yes, I am throwing myself into RP because IRL has become so anxiety ridden that I can fundamentally not handle it any more.

I don't care. It's better to think about my characters then to think about IRL stress.

So, without furher ado

K'vvan- Currently he's in an IC limbo.  Nadeeth is hurt, but it being almost three weeks from in the Injury I'm figuring it's probably time for her to be healed enough to go back on active duty.  Off camera he's shoved Cha'el away while Nadeeth heals.  Also dealing with the fact he owes Teya for catching him when he went over the cliff. *Vig Needed*

Sara- Holding pattern.  Hard to get my dander up about her when Peaston is IRL idled and I'm not interested in doing a lot.  A'lory is also on at super inconvient times so we're just... holding.  I'll figure out something fun for her later.

Terrian- Currently a happy camper.  All healed from the stab wound.  Flirting with Erissa to pass the time while on his shift.

Renalde- The usual.  Being a jerk, bossing people around, etc.  Got my mojo killed a bit between T being in the infirm indefinitely, and the mail that accused him of bullying.  I mean, he is a bully.  But only because he's super OCD and a micromanager.  

Nate- I'm... branching out into my comfort zone.  Finn agreed to play a bully for me that's picking on Nate and it has been REaLLY HARD.  I'm use to being mean to K'vvan, NOT Nate.  My little ray of sunshine is going to have a secret that'll eat him a bit inside.  *Vig needed*

Hazelon-  I don't even know where to //start// with Hazelon.  He's just kinda BURST onto the scene in my head and the plot has moved so fast after going //so// slow.  Raya player and I had to pull the end of the scene because the others weren't done!  So now... twiddle my fingers... try to write a vig to fill in between the end of this and when he's picked up.
junipersky: (Default)
Oh the happy side though... the baby dragons came out AMAZING.

Rhiscorath -
Inayalinaeth- (I didn't have anything to do with this one, but it came out AMAZING!)

Of course, the expected Thierry drama happened. Tomorrow I'm going to through out my Southern Alt and see if he'll bite for RP. If he doesn't I'm going to page him and ask if he is going to continue to have an issue with me as a player just because I served on the SearchCo that said no to his manipulating rapist of a character. (Maybe a bit nicer though. I'm practicing my diplomatic because I get to serve on Southern Staff for a bit!!)
junipersky: Cube Kitten by Creativedash (Anxiety)
I ended up in the hospital Thursday (okay, I did start this post then, and paused), after fainting in the nurses office at school. The weird thing is that I wasn't even there for myself, but to check on another student there.

Went to the ER because Taylor wouldn't hear of anything else. Spent 3.5 hours there. Lots of tests. Had a needle in my arm the whole time.

Had everyone ask me if I was pregnant. Seeing as I'm on my period, I could say, very safely, No.

Three days later and it is still bothering me. The medical people I understand. Everyone else.... grrr. There is no polite way to say "Look, I really want to be pregnant right now, and feel really poorly that I am not. It does not help when you ask me if I am. I promise. If I was, and in a position to tell you about it, I would."

Just. grrr...
junipersky: (Surprised Kitten)
So about a month ago one of my Harper's Tale friends paged me and said, "Hey, you live in Phoenix right?" Turned out she was coming down to the area for a week or so and was wondering if we wanted to meet up. She paged the other AZ HTer too, and Sienna was cool with it. So over the weekend we all met down in Mesa.

It was pretty awesome, very laid back. Totally got Sienna and Kyara mixed up at first, but after the awkward passed it was cool. Poor Kyara was dead tired- she picked the //one// weekend in weeks it rained in the area, and she'd been staying in a tent. Sienna and I hit it off perfectly, mostly because we had an instant hook of both being teachers and thus having solid common ground. We both kept slipping back into TeacherTalk, and catching ourselves to bring Ky back in.

Ended up with PLANS too. She's going to see if she can get Skype set up in her classroom and have her 7th graders share their books with my 4th graders.

Somewhere in the middle of all of the four hours we spent at the resturant (I think we freaked out the nice people there by sitting and then STAYING) Sienna mentioned another Pern game she's really involved in, called Pern World. I'd heard a lot about it, most of it vaguely negative. But there's nothing like an in-person prod to override a lot of what I'd heard. So I decided to break my RP fast and created a character.

My only problem now.... I have //no// clue how to get involved in a new game! I've been on Ansible for over a decade now, and I'm pretty much dead comfortable. I've been on HT for going on six years now, even though I've only really been "active" for the last 10 months, and those ten months have been dead awesome. Everything on PW is way different. It's a MUSH not a MOO, so the commands themselves are pretty strange. Like, for background, it's &info me = , rather then what I'm use to @pinfo-icbg or @notedit me.history is " . The channels are similar to Ansible, so that shouldn't be too difficult, but paging is totally going to kill me. Ansible I always use 'tell' rather then 'page', HT is page , though to emote it is page =:, and really have to use the = if I want to include a message with special characters (like an = sign!). On PW I //have// to use the = in the page, or it'll either not recognize who I'm sending it to, or it'll go You page Ezra 'ezra .'.

Anyway. None of you care about this, but it was weird to be suddenly NEW again. I think I'll tug on Sienna a bit Saturday and see if she'll give me some tips, or even help me through that really first awkward RP till I get a real handle on the character, the map, the commands and the plot arcs- she's on staff at the area I made my character anyway, and helped me fit my character into the plot arch that just ended so I don't have to play a blank slate. (That's one thing I've //loved// about HT's alts. - there seems to always be a TP I can jump right into! K'vv swung right into the reboot TP, Nathanael into the Southern Mystery arc, Renalde had a niche as a Staff NPC I picked up, Jhael with the refugees, and Terrian with the women-in-guard.)
junipersky: (Default)
I am... quite flat exhausted. Not just a little tired, but so tired that moving is getting to be a pain in my arse... And damn it, this computer's time is wrong and it keeps making me think I have more time then I do!